One man’s voice

Redeeming a marriage

Posted on January 26th, 2008 in On Faith, On Family, On Marriage, Personal Messages

Something amazing happened last night and I think it will have an impact on me for the rest of my life.

Before I get to that though, I want to let you in on a little something. Up until yesterday evening I thought my marriage was over. That’s right, you heard me. I thought last night was the last that I would spend as a married man.

You see, up until yesterday I was certain that my wife was going to leave me. She had already had plans to spend the weekend with her sister and and, as she put it, “maybe stay longer”. To me that meant that she was preparing to move out and preparing to start over. She had never done this before. She had never even vocalized a thought to do this before. This was a first for me and it had me rattled.

She had made these plans in response to a discussion we had a few days ago in which she asked me a very pointed, direct question about me. It was a question that I have for some time been almost wanting her to ask me yet have been dreading for years the time when she would. She asked. I answered. Honestly. The next day she told me she was going to her sister’s house on Friday night.

During the day yesterday Sandi emailed me and told me that she was tired and that she was not going to be going to her sisters house. I wasn’t really sure to make of that, but I was happy that she was not going.

On my way home Sandi called me and asked me to pick something up for her at the store. It was a bit of a strange request I thought, a woman’s shaver. But I told her I would. And I did.

When I got home I did what I normally do. I kissed my wife, kissed my kids, had dinner and began to prepare for the night. During this time Sandi managed to sneak away and take a shower. After taking care of the usual night time “rituals” Sandi and I finally had a little time for us. I noticed she was showered and was oddly peaceful with me. While we were talking she mentioned something about a surprise for me which sparked my interest for a brief moment. Sometime after 9:00 PM Alaynah, our youngest daughter, started showing signs that she needed some attention so I went to her room and prayed for her, tucker her in and talked to her for a little while.

As I was leaving her room Sandi was standing in our door way. She motioned for me to come to the bedroom, which was dimly lit with candles. There were some massage oils on the night stand. And our room was clean and orderly.

What happens behind the closed doors of a married couple should stay behind those doors. Sorry, but I am not going to go into the details of what we experienced last night. I can say that for almost an entire night we were able to, for the first time in our marriage, connect with one another on several different levels.

I have never experienced a sense of closeness, openness, attachment, peace and love in my marriage like that, ever. I have never felt so like a man as I did last night. And the experience has carried through to this morning.

Now I am sure that you are probably thinking that a single cannot redeem an entire marriage. I think you are wrong. A night like last night (and get the idea that sex was at the root of it out of your mind now because it wasn’t) can change nations just as easily as it can change people. And it certainly has changed my marriage.

My wife, in very much a leap of faith, did something that has planted the seeds of recovery and revival in our marriage. I am looking forward to carrying on with some of the things we talked about last night. I am looking forward to seeing how much we can love each other. And I am looking forward to being married for the rest of my life.

You can be sure that I will be mentioning more of this change over the next few weeks. I may even be so inclined as to make a weekly post about our marriage and what we are doing. As a brief sign-off, let me say that if you are married, make it a point tonight to serve your spouse. Practice being open, honest and straight forward with one another. And be willing to make yourself vulnerable. You are probably going to get hurt in the process. But when your spouse steps up to help you put the pieces back together you, your spouse and your relationship will be all the more better for it.

Good night, and God bless you and yours.