How to be lonely even though you are married
Most anyone that knows me knows that I go to church. I am there on Sundays with the family and I am there Wednesdays with at least Sarah and Adrianna (drama team meets on Wednesday). And I am usually pretty happy about going.
Recently though I have noticed a growing dissatisfaction with attending church. Please don't misunderstand me. It has nothing to do with the church. It has everything to do with the fact that I am going to church, for the most part, alone.
I have been married for 13 years now. And it has only been lately that I have been doing things pretty much in a single fashion. By single, I mean as a person who is not espoused in any way may be.
I go to church by myself and sit alone on Wednesdays. On Sundays I usually sit with my sister-in-law Katie. It is getting to a point now where folks think Katie and I are married.
I go to the grocery store with all my kids. I take them to dinner. I take them for walks. I take them to the park. And mom, because of her physical condition at the moment, is nowhere to be found.
I know this sounds a bit like I am whining. If it comes across that way to you, so be it. Maybe I am. I am married and have been for 13 frickin' years. I should be living a single man's lifestyle. But I digress...
I love my children and being able to spend time with them means the world to me. But I love my wife too and being able to spend time with her means more than anything to me. I just wish I could spend more time with her and less time taking care of the things that need taking care of (because that necessarily means less time with her AND the kids).
I am happy though. At least she is alive and my kids are healthy. And I have enough energy to still have fun with my children.
Like today for example, I took all five kids for a walk to 7-11 to go get slushies. Since Sandi was out at a birthday party for a friend of hers I had all the children and no stroller (seeing as it was in the Suburban and Sandi took that).
So I got the kids dressed warm enough for a walk and we hit the streets. Even my two year old was walking. We made the (normally 15 minute) walk to 7-11 in about 25 minutes where we grabbed a small colony of slushies and a bag of Doritos (it has to be chips... it is normally Funyons, but it has to be something in a bag). We then hit the sidewalk outside 7-11 like a family of vagrants that were asking for money and we sat and communed and had drinks and made merry with our family.
After this little pit stop we walked home together, taking a slight detour along the way. We got home and the kids lazed on the couch for a bit. Aaron fell asleep H-A-R-D and we just chilled until mom came home.
And therein lies my one issue with the day. Mom was not with us. I was, again, feeling like a single father out for the day with his kids.
I had a great time. I just wish these types of things could included mom more. And I especially wish that she would at least be able to attend church with me.
Until then however, Katie and I will continue to chuckle as more and more people either confuse her with Sandi or think that she and I are married.
October 7th, 2009 - 12:50
: (
October 7th, 2009 - 12:54
Sorry honey. I wish I could explain the dark place I was in when I was writing these things. I know it is not an excuse for the hurt it causes you. It is just where I was when I was writing.
I pray that you can forgive my insensitivity in my writing and the subject matter I chose to write about.