One man’s voice Thoughts, rants and commentary from a husband, father of five and professional web geek

Anxiety and panic – scary but manageable

My wife has been dealing with severe anxiety over the last few days. She has been on a battery of medications to combat sleeplessness, depression, various physical ailments and anxiety, but one of these medications, Remeron, had caused her to experience excessive joint and muscle pain so she has had to stop.

Ultimately this left my wife in a state of anxiety that was more severe than I have ever experienced with her. Friday night I spent a decent amount of time on the phone with the hospital trying to determine ways to slow a heart rate down, slow breathing down and generally bring peace to someone that is in the middle of a severe anxiety/panic attack. Yesterday morning was a little more of the same, without the hospital calls.

During the day yesterday things were a little better. Until the mid afternoon that is. Sandi decided to attend my family reunion with me at a local park where there was a pool. I think the idea of my kids being out in public near a pool with only me to watch them (Lord knows I don't know how to watch my kids) left her worried about the safety of her children. She handled the anxiety pretty well, but still was pretty edgy, even screaming to me once in a panic as my son scooted off to within about 12 feet of the pool.

I have seen my wife suffer through panic attacks before. We have had our share of hospital stays and emergency room visits because of it. And every time an episode creeps up I find myself torn between wanting to take on the burden of suffering for her and staying calm and collected as the attack continues. In the end I choose to stay because I cannot take on what she is going through or her and one of us need to stay calm. Which is much easier said than done. It is doable, but requires some stubborn and some resolve to do it.

If there is one thing that learned as part of the Emergency Response Team at my last job it is that you cannot panic when you are responding to someone that is experiencing a traumatic episode. That means that no matter how rough the anxiety gets, I have to be able to maintain my head while sitting next to a crying, shaking, sweating, worried, scared-for-her-life wife. This in itself makes it manageable for me. I know I have to be calm, for her, so I keep my head about me for the duration and, when things are a little more settled, I get to handling the worry and fear that is such a very real part of seeing your spouse in a condition like that.

I know that right now the only thing that will make this any better for her is medicine. Yes, we are Christian and yes we do pray. I cover her and the kids daily with prayer. But inasmuch as a Christian needs to pray a person also needs to act on that prayer. Actions, in our case, are talking to doctors, researching and seeking out proper medications that can alleviate the symptoms of what she is feelings. Only time can free her from this hell she is in at this point, so we give it time and prayer.

Of course all things pass with time. Anxiety does subside. Maybe not completely but it certainly does wane from the level of feeling like you are going to die to a more reasonable level. Sandi has shown that as the episode continues that the anxiety, overall, does weaken a bit. It never seems to disappear, and I fear that is because she is not on any medicine at the moment. But at least we have a fighting chance at that point because she can at least breath a little easier and feel a little more normal.

Luckily tomorrow she has an appointment which will hopefully bring something to the table to help her. It sucks watching her go through this. I can just imagine how much it must suck going through it.

A note from me: I struggle daily with coping with the effects of anxiety on my wife. I am not only bound to her suffering from anxiety but really from everything else she is going through at the moment. If you find yourself in a place where you are either stricken with anxiety or are tending to someone who is battling anxiety, do consider seeking professional, medical help. It can't hurt one bit and it can certainly bring a level of comfort to you, albeit a small one.