One man's voice Thoughts, rants and commentary of a simple man

When criticism moves from critique to critical

Every relationship is going to have its share of moments that do not make you smile. I know that most folks, when they are in a loving, intimate, close relationship, tend to look at the relationship as a grounds for all things good, happy and joyous. But I tend to think that too many people forget that people are people and they, or their personality perhaps, will invariably clash in some way with your personality. After all, we are only human, and that ultimately will lead to all sorts of issues when interacting on any level with others of our kind.

What brings this up is something I have taken note of recently. I have, over the course of my marriage, surrendered most of my masculinity and leadership to my wife. A lot of men do this, usually unknowingly and usually to the detriment of their manhood, marriage and self esteem. I saw recently, however, that I have allowed myself to be so driven by the feelings of others (including my wife, but not singularly by her) that I have shelved any issues I may take with criticism. I am not talking criticism of the type that can build you up and make you a better person. I am talking about the kind of criticism that can severely damage your own opinion of yourself and allow others to begin to believe the critical words being spoken over you.

I have allowed myself to be criticized without consequence for a long time now. It stood out in my head recently that almost everything I do at home gets met with some form of criticism. Whether it is my kids telling me I didn't use proper sentence structure or my wife checking to make sure what I just taught the kids is right, there is very little encouragement or positive reinforcement offered in my home. I believe this has something to do with me not ever being a leader in my home and I am certain it needs to stop.

The reason I say it needs to stop is that no person should ever live under the moniker that they are inadequate in everything they do of a certain action. Constantly being criticized without cause (I know this is debatable, but give me some latitude here) makes people cower from their rightful, authoritative position and become little wimps. Yes men, you can easily become a wuss if you continue to allow yourself to be degraded. Women too. There is no place for constant baseless criticism.

If you are in a place where you are being constantly criticized, belittled, verbally attacked or anything that continues to daily wear at your self esteem I would ask that you take a step back and take stock of the value you have. Find one person that you know you mean the world to and talk to the person. Or begin writing (that helps me out a ton) or exercising or cooking or something that you know you have total control over and the very serious possibility of success in. Nobody's words, no matter how critical or inspirational, have to be taken under your ownership. You are more than that. You have a value that far exceeds the negative value anyone can place on you.

To this end I want to say that it is pretty difficult to stand up for yourself when you are not used to doing it. And it might be awkward for those that would condemn you seeing as you have allowed it take place for a while. It may even appear to be confrontational. The truth is so what if it does. It if requires a fight, fight hard and fight to win. It is your right to not be burdened with someone's overzealous attempts at degrading you. I am learning this right now.

No more will I allow myself to be devalued. No more will I stand idly by while be derided. No more will I let someone else tell me my value. I am more than that. And so are you.