One man's voice Thoughts, rants and commentary of a simple man

Happy birthday to me

Editors note: This post is being posted from the future (August 8 to be exact) because I cannot manage to stay on top of things long enough to post my daily blogaries. I have all of the things that I intend to write about tucked away but for some reason I am not able to keep this thing pushed out every day. That said, forgive me. I will catch up.

Today was my birthday. I am 34 years old as of 5:XX this morning (I totally forgot what time I was born - it was a long time ago - sue me). Today was my day to celebrate me getting another year older, wiser, fatter, tireder and crankier. And I did that for the most part.

A few days my brother called me and asked if I wanted to hit up a baseball game with him. I thought that it would have been really nice to hit up a game with him since I have not done hardly anything with him for a long time. So I asked Sandi if there was anything planned for the day for me. She told me she thought the kids had something planned for the morning. I had already planned an afternoon out with Sandi and I so that pretty much eradicated any chance of me getting brother time with my broski.

It ended up being not all that much of a day of things though. I ended up taking care of my own birthday breakfast (actually lunch because of the time of it). It consisted of leftovers from the previous few days because the kitchen was hellishly nasty and there wasn't really food in the house to cook anyway. After a very late start to the morning I ended up getting the kids somewhat ready to be babysat by their auntie while Sandi and I went out to lunch and the movies.

Since we had just eaten breakfastlunch a few minutes earlier we didn't go to lunch opting instead to hit up an earlier timeslot for "The Dark knight". This movie kicked all kinds of ass. The action was awesome, Heath Ledger kicked crazy butt, Christian Bale kicked all kinds of butt... it was just a cool movie. And while I thought it could have ended about six times before it actually did, I think it ended up well anyway.

After the movie Sandi and I hit up Elephant Bar for dessert. And we talked. A lot. About a lot of different things. But mostly we talked about our identities and how we saw ourselves. I talked a little bit about my recent discovery of what a coward I have been and my quest for manhood that I should have started 20 years ago but am just getting around to now. We talked a little bit about her frustrations in life, in finance and in marriage and parenting. Overall it was kind of a downer conversation to have on a birthday celebration. But it was needed so it was all good.

Then something happened I did not expect. We talked more this evening. A lot more. It went back to our marriage and how much Sandi feels like she has no identity as a woman, as a wife or even as a person. She feels stymied. She feels like she doesn't know anything and that nothing she has experienced means anything to anyone. She is listless and alone and stuck. I have felt that way before too, and I shared that with her.

What started out to be an evening of fun and fellowship with my family, in the end, turned out to be a pretty regular day. It had a late morning, me handling breakfast/lunch, me setting up the sitter, me deciding the movie, me deciding where to do dessert and me being spoken to on the couch. I can't really complain about that. There are a lot of men that would have spent their birthdays without their kids, or single, or worse yet, working or in prison or something. So it wasn't as bad as it might sound. It was just... regular.

At the end of the evening it was just another day. I got to go out on a date. That was nice. I got some dessert. That was nice. I got to spend time with my wife and kids. That was nice. And even though I am perfectly satisfied with how my day turned out I had wished it would have involved a little more of what it did have than it did. But who am I to ask for something on my birthday?