Tonight marks the night my daughter Rebekah will be celebrating her 11th birthday. It is a little late, but scheduling circumstances outside of my control necessitated this weekend be the weekend we do this.
What that means to be is that tonight I will be flooded with young girls eating, playing, screaming, eating, screaming and screaming. I already know that it is going to be loud. And that I am going to get eaten out of house and home. And that I am going to get very little sleep. I am prepared for that. I think what I am not prepared for, and what I truly do not know how to prepare for, is the physical impact this will have on me and my wife.
Of course, knowing me, I am going to throw myself headlong into the festivities. I always do. And I will probably end up setting up games or something fun for the kids and see to it that they stay up too late. That just seems to me to be something that I am drawn to. So I am rather looking forward to having some fun tonight.
I guess I am just not looking forward to the noise, the food bill, the noise and the noise. But with a house full of girls, should I really expect anything less?
Spending time with your kids is important. When you have five of them like I do you realize that it is not only important but sometimes difficult to do in a fashion that speaks the each at his/her level. My children range in age from 3 to 12 so what one may like the others may not.
One of the things that my wife and I try to do from time to time is allow for parent/child time that takes into account the childs age. To foster this we sometimes schedule time with the child(ren) for whom the time spent will be most appreciated and enjoyed.
Last night we did that with the two older girls. Sarah and Rebekah have been putting in a lot of time and work into the home since Sandi has been sick. They are working probably a little harder than kids their age should and they have needed a break almost as long as I have. So to give them a little time to cut loose Sandi and I decided that after the three younger kids went to bed we would have Sarah and Rebekah join us for a board game in the living room.
Sarah suggested Scrabble and, since Scrabble can have a definite end to it, I was all for it. We set the board up, picked out tiles and picked who was to go first. We started playing and as is common with me I busted out the Fritos, Cheetos and Funyuns.
We played, we ate, we learned. We were have a grand old time. And then it happened. 10:30 PM. This is the time that Sandi and I usually have to start yelling at our two oldest kids to stop talking, turn their lights out, be quiet, stop whispering, stop laughing, stop yelling and all that other stuff that is totally not conducive to a couple sleeping kids.
What made it even funnier was that as my daughters entered into their goofy stage, the imaginations and creativity began to show brighter and brighter. The icing on the cake was when they started trying to help mom user her “Y”. Some of the combinated words that the kids came up were:
- tuftedYkit
- funkYpanty
- greensYhim
- weenYbeefy
In addition to these beauties, there was much laughter, rolling on the ground, snorting and all sorts of other goodness that even got mom into the groove. While sitting there looking at the madness of three tired females rolling all over the place laughing their bootYis off I realized something: I was at a home brewed slumper party. Crikey!
Not wanting to feel too left out I decided to throw my own little bit into the mix. No, it was not a wordYword. Instead it was a Lord of the Rings spin (which Sarah was doing plenty of as well). My contribution to this little shindig: Foghoggin Baggins
Anyone who knows anything about me knows that my new nickname is now Foghoggin Baggins.
One of the most challenging aspects of parenting, in my opinion, is occupying your children with cool experiences that enrich them and you while at the same time building the parent/child bond that is so necessary in our families of today. For the past few years I have made it a point to get my kids out as much as possible, taking them to places like Tilden Park, the Lindsey Wildlife Museum, the Oakland Zoo, the Tech Museum of Innovation and a few others. I think it is important to get them out of the house while allowing them to experience things they enjoy and letting them learn at the same time.
In keeping with the theme this week, I am continually challenged to find things to do with the kids that will meet all of the things I want for them but still allow me to take care of them and the house as needed. With weekends being so short nowadays I am finding that my free time to take outings with the kids has been dramatically reduced in favor of cleaning the house and other domestic chores that are absolutely necessary to keeping our house running at least somewhat smoothly. Which brings me to my next question.
At what point do you forgo domestic duties to enjoy time with your family? I have always been of the mindset that family comes first. But I can see how that undermined my wife’s attempt at order in the house are when I look at how terribly behind I get when I take the kids out when I should be home handling home related business. And the more I do this the more worn out I get, which leads me to cut back on some of this and spend more time at home, which ends up in me feeling guilty that I am damaging my kids by not getting them out of the house more.
Is there a way to have the best of both worlds? I want a clean and orderly home. I want a haven for my children to be able to live, grow, learn and experience in. But I also want for my children to be able to experience life beyond the borders of our front and back yards. I want my kids to not just read about stuff but to be able to experience them and learn firsthand what the thing they are learning is really all about.
To that end I have though that there are things we can do that will not require a whole lot of time outside of the home but will still allow for a fun experience for all of us. Some of the things I am thinking are:
Of course we cannot always do everything around cleaning the house, right? At least that is what I am aiming for. Some of the other things that I have thought about that might require a little more time outside of the house, but would be incredibly fun:
Now my only contention is with how I go about doing all of these things with a sick wife at home and a home that needs desperate maintenance almost every day. But I suppose that is why I write. Because I so do not have all the answers. In fact, I don’t think I have any answers. I just have a strong desire to take care of my family and provide for them as best I can.
This entire weekend, starting from this past Thursday, has been a blur. It was busier than any weekend should be and was more entertaining that many have been.
The real entertainment started on Friday night when the kids performed some of their piano pieces at the LINKS home school talent show. It started with Sarah and Rebekah coming together to perform the song “Part of your world” from the movie “The Little Mermaid”.
My daughters can sing pretty well. In fact, musically, they can do a lot of things very well. But I have never seen them do this before. I was pleased by their ability to work together to perform.
After their team performance, later on in the show, Sarah was allowed to perform a few more songs. Rebekah did not want to perform anymore so Sarah finished things up.
Saturday… well, Saturday was entirely too involved to repeat here. But today was a nice little respite (not really, but I am not going in to that right now) and it ended with a great little music recital for all of the students of my daughters’ piano instructor.
So that is how the day went. With a little extra time taken for Costco runs, food preparation, kid playing, eating, driving and server messing around with. But for the most part, I can say…
THANK GOD THIS WEEKEND IS OVER.
Last night after dinner I treated my family to some ice cream. I do this from time to time just to let the kids know that I still love them and want to spoil them.
As is usually the case I was done with my ice cream first and began washing dishes. As I washed the dishes I listened to my children and their discussions and laughter over bowls of ice cream.
I am still amazed at their ability to have a fully inclusive conversation amongst themselves even though their ages range from two and a half to 12. As they ate and talked they began to finish up and I began to take their bowls from them.
I turned around for a moment to see how they were doing (since I am not facing them when washing dishes) and noticed that Sarah had her face in her bowl and was licking the edges clean. Hmm, I don’t remember teaching any of my kids that this was acceptable table manners. So I asked her to stop doing that and promptly took her bowl from her.
A few minutes after this I heard one of the best comments I have ever heard from my children:
Bekah: “Wouldn’t it be cool if you could cut off your chin?”
Me: “Uh, no. Why would you want to cut your chin off?”
Bekah: “So you could fit your face inside of your bowl to lick the ice cream out.”
Me: “????????”
That’s right ladies and gentlemen, you heard it here first. My daughter wants to be able to cut her chin off so she can get a few milimeters farther into her bowl to lick the remnants of ice cream out of it.
Yeah, I know. I couldn’t believe it either.
Yesterday morning I woke up earlier than I have in a long time. This is somewhat unusual because I have been working so hard and so long at home (because of Sandi being as sick as she is right now) that I have to fight myself pretty hard to get out of bed before 8:00 AM on any given day (which is the latest that I can leave in order to get to work at a time that allows me to leave before 7:00 in the evening).
Yep, up early and proud of myself I decided that I would pat myself on the back a little bit by making myself breakfast. This has been a rarity as of late since I am usually hauling butt to get out of the house before 8 o’clock. In fact, I have made my own breakfast for years seeing as I am usually the only grown up when it is time for me to eat breakfast.
With breakfast on the brain I showered as quickly as I could and got myself ready to leave for work. I headed toward the kitchen with the intent of cooking when I ran into Adriannah in the living. Her first words to me for the day were “Can you make me an egg sandwich?”.
Not wanting to be a curmudgeon of a father I told her that I would. Not wanting to share any more than I had to at this point I also told her to be quiet so as not to wake up her siblings. It didn’t matter.
Aaron woke up a few minutes into Annah’s breakfast sandwich. Knowing that I was now at least three sandwiches into this morning I got a little frantic. Knowing that I was running out Egg Beaters AND bread I got quite a bit more frantic. Apparently that was just enough to wake up Alaynah.
Now I had three children awake, very little time to get myself out of the house, very little breakfast making material left and an uneasy feeling that it would only take the slightest sound to ensure that I made breakfast for all of my kids while not having any for me.
Ultimately the waking up stopped and I was able to cook sandwiches for all the kids that were awake at the same time as I was able to make me one. Awesome.
Though I could have left the house at about 7:05 and been on time instead I left the house at 7:55 having cooked four sandwiches and washed the dishes and kissed the kiddos and made me coffee.
Yes. I felt a little good about myself. Or was it my 0.025 ounce egg sandwich on bread heals that did that?
A few nights ago I came into the house to the sound of crying, whining and squealing. Not certain of just what I would find, curiosity got the better of me and I sought out the source of this noise.
I found Annah in the bathroom. Crying. After asking around about what happened it came out that she was scared because the bottom fascia board of the vanity in the bathroom had been broken and she thought she was going to get in trouble.
I asked her how it got broken and she told me Bekah broke it. So I asked Bekah how it got broken and she said that Annah had punched a cup of water out of her hand spilling the water on the bathroom floor causing her to slip and fall and subsequently break the vanity fascia board.
After sending both girls to bed (in order to sort this out, not as punishment) I went to talk to Annah. I reaffirmed my distaste for physical confrontation when things don’t go her way and asked why she took it upon herself to smack a cup of water out of her sisters hand.
She told me that Bekah was spitting water at her through a small tube and that even though she had screamed at her sister to stop, Bekah continued to spit water at her so she had no choice but to smack the cup of water out of her hand.
I asked Annah if she knew why Bekah was spitting water at her and she told me that her sister has done that because Annah had spit at her first. So I asked the next logical question: “Why were you spitting at Bekah?”
I found out that Annah was spitting water at Bekah because Bekah had been kicking her. I reiterated to Annah the need for her to A) not scream and yell instructions at her siblings , and B) tell me or mom when things need help. I then went to talk to Bekah.
Bekah told me pretty much everything that Annah told me. Except the part about kicking her. When I asked if she had done that Bekah told be she had. When I asked why she didn’t tell me she replied “I must have forgotten.”. Forgotten? Okay…
I asked Bekah why she was kicking her sister and she told me that Mom had asked them to separate laundry and that Annah had decided that she was not going to do it. Bekah told her to do it (no, she didn’t ask, she commanded her) and Annah didn’t respond. So Bekah kicked her.
Bekah told me that Annah left the room and came back with a small tube which she used to spit water at Bekah. Bekah yelled at Annah to stop (no, she didn’t ask her) but Annah didn’t. Annah then ran to the bathroom to reload while Bekah ran into the bathroom, snatched the tube from Annah and spit and Annah.
Annah commanded Bekah to stop and Bekah, wanting to make sure she completely demoralized her sister before stopping, began to fill up a cup of water to use as a reservoir so as to maximize the amount of water she could spit at her sister. Annah, having seen the cup get filled, decided enough was enough and punched the cup out of Bekah’s hand causing it to spill on the floor causing Bekah to slip causing Bekah to fall causing Bekah’s foot to hit the fascia board and break it.
Naturally, according to Bekah this was all Annah’s fault. And according to Annah, it was all Bekah’s fault.
To set their records straight I told them it was both of their faults. Neither should have taken the actions they did. Neither should ever command anyone to do anything, especially their siblings, but should instead say please. And neither should have taken matters into their own hands.
Indeed I felt good about the way this all went down. Well, at least about how it ended up working out.
All in all it was a somewhat peaceful time of questioning, finding our more about my kids and trying to teach them how to interact with people on a daily basis, especially family. I managed to not blow my top. I managed to keep the situation calm. I managed to get to the bottom of things while at the same time fostering an air of honesty and trust with my children.
I would say it was a decent experience. Except the part about telling me only the things relevant to getting your sibling hung for your crime. I am still trying to work that one out. But I guess kids learn this no matter what.
As long as they are honest with me and continue to tell me (most of) the truth.
If you have kids you know the importance of allowing your children the chance to have some one-on-one time with you. We all need time like that.
Last night I took my 12 year old daughter, Sarah, out to dinner and dessert. We chitchatted, ate, laughed… generally we had a good time.
I learned some things about my daughter last night as a result of our time.
I learned that she wants more time with her friends (without her sisters around). She actually talks with her friends about things most normal kids talks about with their friends (but that they would never, EVER talk about with mom and dad). I learned she has a great sense of humor (though I already knew that) and a flair for the disgusting (kinda like I do).
I also learned that Sarah trusts me. Enough to be open with me about something that most kids would probably be raked over the coals for (you now what I am talking about Sarah so there is no need to go into that here 
) and that even though there is a chance that she could have gotten in trouble for it, she still felt comfortable enough with me to bring it to my attention.
We laughed. We talked. We grew closer together.
I feel so fatherly now. Well, I did before our night out, but now I feel more so.
I am now planning my nights out with my other daughters. My next evening will be with Rebekah. I am sure she will love that. She has been asking for time together for a while now. And knowing her, we will probably hit the park to smack the baseball around a little bit before going any place else.
And I can already tell you that Adriannah will be wanting to hit up Starbucks and the book store when we go out. That is like her favorite.
Until then I will be relishing in the joy I have that my children still want to spend time with me and that I can still spend time with them. I like having the ability to spend time with my kids. We both need that I think.
My nephew, Antonio, just turned nine years old recently. To celebrate, my sister threw him a birthday party. Many of his cousins were there and it was as regular a birthday party as there is.
Under normal circumstances that wouldn’t mean much. Except Antonio, and his brother Adrian, are not living under what you would call “normal circumstances”. You see, they were adopted into our family last year.
My sister and brother-in-law had been wanting to adopt for a while. They found a wonderful family of children that they were able to adopt, and after a heart wrenching episode with the boys’ sister being moved back to the grandparents’ home, the boys were settled in.
Now they are part of the family. Part of my sister’s immediate family and part of the extended family for the rest of us.
To get back to the birthday party, this was the first real birthday party for Antonio. His life, like that of his brother and sister, has been very hard. Harder than any child’s young life should be.
But they have found a home with my sister and my sister, much like my mother was, is a homemaker to just about anyone. These kids are blessed to have a mom like her. And she is blessed to have kids like them.
You see, my sister, not unlike many people nowadays, is experiencing the financial crunch of a carptastic economy and savage housing market. Things are dark all over. But in that darkness she shone a light to her son in setting up, preparing and throwing a great birthday party for him.
He had a great time (as was evidenced by the shreaking and screaming that was prevalent throughout the day), his cousins had a great time and the day was awesome.
To my nehpew Antonio, I am glad my family and I were a part of this day for you. You deserve it mijo. I am glad you had a great day.
Be ye prepared for the wiles of the preteen festivities preceding the slumber of the upcoming night for there will be a great and violent roar of thunder that is the playful glee of girls on sugar.
Ok, so maybe it is not that dramatic, but the medieval party/sleepover for my daughter Sarah was pretty interesting. And loud. And fun.
It all started at 6:00 PM as I got home from Costco with all sorts of goodies for the medieval dinner we were having. Rotisserie chickens, bread by the loaf, apple tarts, plates, napkins, yadda yadda. As I walked into the house I was met by a small group of girls (my wife, daughters and a daughter’s friend) wearing medieval dresses and screaming loudly.
The walls were covered in brick wall imprinted tarps and their was medieval music playing. It was also game time.
So as soon as I got home from a rather long day of work I was thrust into a rather long night of noise, food, junk, junk food, soda, screaming, noise, games, shouting, screaming, noise, motion, activity, noise, crying, playing and noise. And I wouldn’t have traded it for the world.
My daughter absolutely enjoyed herself throughout the night, even though I hit the sack at about 11:30. The girls stayed up until almost 2:30 AM. And somehow were up earlier than I was this morning.
That seems so unfair.
But it did yield a rather peaceful morning of Wii, noise, screaming, crying, games, noise, playing, screaming, noise, food, soda, screaming and noise.
Until about noon. Then it got quiet. Then it hit me.
I was bushed.
So I went to sleep and woke up a little while ago. Had a chance to spend some quiet time with Sandi while the kids were powered down, then prepared for a meeting I am supposed to have in a few minutes with a new client.
Given the nature of the whirlwind that is a 12 year old girls sleepover birthday party I would say that the great preteen hurricane of ‘08 will be long remembered for the entirety of it’s offering. Or the noise.
I can’t think now of which will stick in my head longer. Happy birthday Sarah. I am glad you enjoyed it sweetheart.