Yesterday I was able to take about 5/7 of my family to church with me.
What that means is that we were finally able to get back to Sunday morning church after about a 6 week absence because of head lice that never seemed to go away. With the exception of my daughter Alaynah all of my children were able to go with me. And as much I as I hate going to church alone it was a good time.
The kids were able to spend some time with their friends that they really haven’t seen in a while and I was able to actually worship and learn a bit. I felt almost like the prodigal running back to daddy after being in the wild for a time. I know it wasn’t that bad, but it was pretty long for me.
The rest of the day afterward was a pretty big blur. We hit up Costco, came home and put some food together for eating, I cooked and cleaned then it was bedtime so I worked. But I think what made yesterday bearable for me was that it started out right. I like being able to go to church on a Sunday morning.
Now if I could just figure out this waking up alone thing I will be golden.
A few weeks (maybe months) ago my wife asked me if I had been contacted as of late by a former female friend of mine (we’ll call her Gina). I told my wife that I had indeed received an email from her a few weeks prior to that. I also mentioned that I had responded to that email basically as a response to the “How have you been?” query.
At the time I was kind of put under the gun for this interaction. My wife asked me a few other questions that I honestly could not answer in a way that would have been satisfactory at that time. Some of the questions were:
“Why would a married woman make contact with a married man just to see how he is doing?”
“Why would a married man reply to a contact from a married woman?”
“Do you think it is spiritually wise to maintain any type of relationship with someone with whom you have had a relationship?”
When I was asked these questions I could not come up with an answer that I thought was satisfactory for her so when she stated that she knew women and that women almost always have an ulterior motive for making contact with a married man, I could not argue.
At the same time as this conversation I had asked my wife if she ever attempted to contact my former boss, we’ll call him Tom, with whom she had had an emotional affair a few years ago. She said that she would not contact him because she knew what that would do to our relationship. She said she was also a little concerned with me not seeing this topic as she did.
As such, I made one last contact with Gina by way of email to tell her that I could not have any further contact with her because it was not appropriate for a married man to have contact with a married woman who was not his wife. Seeing as my wife had made her position very clear, it seemed like it was the logical thing to do.
Fast forward to last night. While sitting on the couch with my wife she asked me if I had heard from or made contact with Tom recently. I told her that I hadn’t as there has been no real reason to contact him. That was about the end of that.
Now to today. A short while ago my wife called me to tell me that she had sent Tom an email and that, to make communicating easier, that she just called him instead. She was able to catch up on a lot of stuff from the past months and was able to share with him a lot of stuff from her life over the past few months.
However I was a tad concerned about this little experience. I should probably attempt to clarify my position on this a little bit because if I don’t I will come across as a jealous, controlling freak and the truth is I am not.
I used to work for Tom. I actually worked for him from 1999 until 2006 when I left. Before that I worked with him from 1997 to 1999 (it was in 1999 that he became my manager).
During this time he showed a tremendous amount of generosity toward me and my family, even putting my wife to work a few times to help us earn a little extra income. It was during this time that my wife began a long flirtatious relationship with Tom that included phone calls and emails.
In 2002 things had gotten to a point where Sandi, my wife, would actually bypass visiting me at work (we all worked in the same department) so she could go see him. She would spend quite a bit of time emailing and calling him. It even got to the point, I found out recently, that they had even asked the question “What do you think would happen if we ever, you know?”.
So when my told me a few months ago that she would not ever contact him and that, if he ever contacted her, she would simply no reply, I thought it was a bold, strong stance to take. But I guess that has changed somewhere in the last few months.
Part of the conversation we had a few months ago dealt with soul ties. Specifically ungodly soul ties. The kind of soul ties that keep a person bound to a past experience and do not allow that person to move forward from that experience. According to my wife allowing relationships that derive from a past soul tie to propagate could ultimately allow for the destruction of current relationships because of the stuff that comes to the current from the former. That actually made sense to me.
When I asked her about that a few minutes she told me that “as long as you don’t have the same intentions as before then keeping the relationship is OK”. That would have been nice to know a few months ago when I told Gina that I could not talk to her anymore.
Of course, now that the whole issue of past soul ties is mute I am for sure going to ask Gina’s forgiveness for kicking her to the curb and see if she would ever be willing to call me a friend again. And as I think of it there is at least one other person that I would love to find out their current life status. That person is a former friend of mine by the name of Connie Castro.
Connie was a former (junior) high school crush of mine who also happened to be a very dear friend. The last I saw of her was way back in 1993. I had never really tried to make contact with her because I knew that it would make things really bad in my marriage because of how my wife felt about former relationships. But since that is now a non-issue I can see myself doing some Google searching for my long lost friend. I would be really interested to see how Connie is doing.
I am sure there are going to be other people that I could think of touching base with again. Danielle Hornberger from college, David Watkins from High School, Matthias Stephen from College, John Zung from college.
I just feel so liberated now. I feel set free to be able to rekindle past friendships with people that until today were considered too taboo to be friends with anymore.
And I hope Sandi has a great time reconnecting with Tom. Yes, they have a relationship that would make you think they were both single. But I guess that is the way things go with them. As for me, I am just happy to know that I am free to look up some of my long lost friends and I cannot wait to start that search.
The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.
Quite possibly the most famous of Manning’s quotes, the above statement is both profoundly moving and disturbingly true. Sadly, I identify as a Christian. Even more sad is that I can almost certify that I have been responsible, to some extent, to someone’s distorted view of what a Christian is.
I have been thinking a lot recently about what it means to be a Christian in today’s very secular world. I have also thought about the great commission and the greatest of the commandments Jesus gave us. Namely my thoughts have turned to how a Christian is supposed to “go into the world and preach the gospel” and “love our neighbors as ourselves”.
You ever wonder how people’s views of a Christian get planted and developed? There are people that think that Christians are crazy, judgmental, hypocritical, lazy and mean. And these people are 100% right. There are some Christians that are exactly that. To the defense of Christians though I do want to point that there are plenty of non-Christians that are the same way. It is just that no one expects non-Christians to live according to the Christian lifestyle and ideals.
So what would ever give the impression that a Christian, just by being Christian, is not the epitome of Godly love? That is a simple one. Christians.
So many times I have been in a position to show the love of God through reaching out, helping out, encouraging, accepting, loving and praying and have not done any of those things. So many times I have been in a position to be sympathetic, empathetic or understanding yet I have judged, criticized and belittled.
I curse people out on the freeways. I let my eyes land on and stay on women too long. I speak harshly toward my wife and children. I harbor unforgiveness toward people. I doubt God’s ability to perform miracles yet today.
I have defiled my temple (my body). I have robbed God of tithes. I have lied. I have pointed and laughed. I have thought that some people are literally a lost cause.
I am, as a Christian, the very reason that some people will not ever taste the freedom of heaven that God offers. No, I am not perfect. That is why I need Christ. Yes, I am tore up from the floor up. That is why I need forgiveness of sin and cleansing by the blood of Christ.
I am, as a Christian, just like the guy that is not a Christian. The only difference between he and I is that I have a loving savior that accepts me just as I am, broken, dirty, unworthy and unable. He loves me right where I stand, flaws and all. He wants to fellowship with me even though I am jacked up. I repent of my sins and He is quick to forgive me. I am the apple of His eye.
And the same is true for everyone. God loves everyone and wants to fellowship with everyone. We are all his children and He wants us to want to spend time with daddy.
If I have ever done anything to anyone reading this that has led you to conclude that Christians are anything other than the embodiment of Christ’s love I apologize. I ask your forgiveness.
And if you are a Christian, now is a great time to look inward at who you are and ask if you are mimicking the love that Christ showed when he was walking the Earth. He left is a great example of how to love our fellow man.
I bet when we start showing that love the way He did more folks will be open to receiving it and less prone to labeling Christians as anything other than loving.
Something amazing happened last night and I think it will have an impact on me for the rest of my life.
Before I get to that though, I want to let you in on a little something. Up until yesterday evening I thought my marriage was over. That’s right, you heard me. I thought last night was the last that I would spend as a married man.
You see, up until yesterday I was certain that my wife was going to leave me. She had already had plans to spend the weekend with her sister and and, as she put it, “maybe stay longer”. To me that meant that she was preparing to move out and preparing to start over. She had never done this before. She had never even vocalized a thought to do this before. This was a first for me and it had me rattled.
She had made these plans in response to a discussion we had a few days ago in which she asked me a very pointed, direct question about me. It was a question that I have for some time been almost wanting her to ask me yet have been dreading for years the time when she would. She asked. I answered. Honestly. The next day she told me she was going to her sister’s house on Friday night.
During the day yesterday Sandi emailed me and told me that she was tired and that she was not going to be going to her sisters house. I wasn’t really sure to make of that, but I was happy that she was not going.
On my way home Sandi called me and asked me to pick something up for her at the store. It was a bit of a strange request I thought, a woman’s shaver. But I told her I would. And I did.
When I got home I did what I normally do. I kissed my wife, kissed my kids, had dinner and began to prepare for the night. During this time Sandi managed to sneak away and take a shower. After taking care of the usual night time “rituals” Sandi and I finally had a little time for us. I noticed she was showered and was oddly peaceful with me. While we were talking she mentioned something about a surprise for me which sparked my interest for a brief moment. Sometime after 9:00 PM Alaynah, our youngest daughter, started showing signs that she needed some attention so I went to her room and prayed for her, tucker her in and talked to her for a little while.
As I was leaving her room Sandi was standing in our door way. She motioned for me to come to the bedroom, which was dimly lit with candles. There were some massage oils on the night stand. And our room was clean and orderly.
What happens behind the closed doors of a married couple should stay behind those doors. Sorry, but I am not going to go into the details of what we experienced last night. I can say that for almost an entire night we were able to, for the first time in our marriage, connect with one another on several different levels.
I have never experienced a sense of closeness, openness, attachment, peace and love in my marriage like that, ever. I have never felt so like a man as I did last night. And the experience has carried through to this morning.
Now I am sure that you are probably thinking that a single cannot redeem an entire marriage. I think you are wrong. A night like last night (and get the idea that sex was at the root of it out of your mind now because it wasn’t) can change nations just as easily as it can change people. And it certainly has changed my marriage.
My wife, in very much a leap of faith, did something that has planted the seeds of recovery and revival in our marriage. I am looking forward to carrying on with some of the things we talked about last night. I am looking forward to seeing how much we can love each other. And I am looking forward to being married for the rest of my life.
You can be sure that I will be mentioning more of this change over the next few weeks. I may even be so inclined as to make a weekly post about our marriage and what we are doing. As a brief sign-off, let me say that if you are married, make it a point tonight to serve your spouse. Practice being open, honest and straight forward with one another. And be willing to make yourself vulnerable. You are probably going to get hurt in the process. But when your spouse steps up to help you put the pieces back together you, your spouse and your relationship will be all the more better for it.
Today I got to have some time with the Jmen. The men of Jubilee Christian Center men’s group, or the Jmen, were treated to a special morning today as Pastor Mike Hayes taught the men what it is like to be a Kingdom Man and how to be that way.
I was especially blessed by the message this morning because it made feel like the feeling I have been having about being a man were validated finally. You know, being a man is not easy. We take a lot of heat for being what we are naturally, so it makes sense that we would want to be the best at being a man that we can be so that there is no room for anyone to tell us that the way we are is not the right way to be.
Pastor Hayes taught an excellent message about how Paul, when faced with persecution at the hands of the Jews of Jerusalem, confronted them directly with his standing in the Jewish community and his past learning. When faced with persecution from the Romans, he confronted them with the fact that he was a Roman citizen and was knowledgable of the Roman law. When facing persection from the Pharisees themselves, he confronted them as the son of a Pharisee and zealous Pharisee himself.
Paul knew how to move about in any situation because he was keen on the ways of each of those kingdoms. He knew culture, he knew law, he knew religion. He was a kingdom man. We should be like that as men. We should know what is happening in our communities, in our churches, in our legal system, in our government. We should also know what is happening in our marriages, in our childrens’ education, in our companies and businesses. We should know. And we should be authoritative in that knowledge.
We are men afterall. Who else is going to be man for us?
Ok, two nights in a row being blessed by powerful preached messages… what more could a brother ask for?
Bishop Jones was amazing. His style, different. His message, powerful. His delivery, unmatched. He blew everyone away. The message was simple… your faith activates the movement of God. Not faith, but your faith. We each have faith that is like a spiritual fingerprint. It is unique to us. For some, it is big. For others, it is small. But one thing is for certain. It is unique to each one of us.
And the way Bishop Jones taught that was amazing. I cannot put into words how blessed I feel right now. It was awesome. But I am tired, and Sandi is still sick. So I have to get. Until next time, God bless you.
Man, that was some awesome preaching. I have never listened to a full sermon by Bishop Jakes before, but I think I might be willing to do that now.
The man knows how to tap into the Word in a way that only the best preachers do. His message about the happenings in the spirit manifesting in the physical was amazing. I have heard similar messages but nothing quite like that before. I was truly blessed.
Anyway, it has been a long day today. My wife is sick (has been for almost a week now) and can barely get out of bed so there is a lot of things to do and only one me to do them. Plus I need to prepare for Noel Jones tomorrow night. Until then, God Bless.
This week (tomorrow actually) begins our church’s annual Thunder in the Bay conference. Every year this thing rocks with extraordinary teachers, teachings and fellowship. This year will be no different. The line up of names this year goes something like this:
It is going to be a mad house at Jubilee Christian Center this Thunder. I know for a fact that T.D. Jakes is going to be a massive draw to open things up tomorrow night. I know that, given the way our pastor talked about Noel Jones for the last year that he will be a big draw. And I know with what Paula White has gone through recently that she will be a big draw seeing as she is always a big draw.
So if you are in the San Jose area, or even in California for that matter, try to stop by one of these nights for some awesome churching. It is sure to be an awesome experience.
So I had an idea the other day. I haven’t shared this with my wife yet because, like many of the ideas I have had in the past, she knows in her heart that this idea will fizzle like the rest of the ideas I have ever had. No, I don’t need to ask her if she feels this way. She has cause to based on my past. That said, let’s move on…
A few months ago we decided as a married couple that we would start a life group. A life group is essentially a bible study that acts as a sort of extension of the church. It is not church as most know it, and it is not just a bible study as many know it. It is a branching of the church into the homes of those in the church in an effort to reach out, minister to and love on the unchurched. These have also, in the past, been known as cell groups and home groups.
Well, we decided that now is the time for us to ramp up to hosting one. We set our start month as January of 2007. We attended the first meeting of the church to those that feel led to do this. And we bought journals to begin our journaling process.
Sidebar: One of the things that is strongly encouraged (not required, but encouraged) is using the Life Journaling techniques developed (I believe) by Pastor Wayne Cordeiro. The journaling process walks you through the Bible in a year if you read the selected devotionals every day. In fact, it takes you through the old testament once and the new testament twice. It is a great resource and it is used as by our Pastors as a teaching tool to the leaders of the life groups.
So as I was journaling the other day I thought to myself “Wouldn’t it be cool to be able to have access to my journal no matter where I am?” And then it hit me (like many other ideas I have had) that I could built an online Life Journal for myself. Then it quickly hit me again…if I can do it for me I can do it for others.
So I decided that I am going to do it. I have already begun the DB architecture of it. I will be working on integrating the codebase into Padlock. And I should have something usable fairly soon. And rest assured, when I do I will link to it from here.
And I will tell my wife that it is ok is she wants to kiss me for finishing something.
