Tonight, on my way home from work I got a call from my wife. She was noticeably upset over the phone and asked me in a whimpering, exasperated voice to stay on the phone with her. I asked what was going on and she told me that her chest was feeling heavy again and that she was really panicky. This was the way she was feeling Friday night when I was on the phone late into the night trying to find ways to calm her down.
Seeing as I was about 15 minutes away from home at the time I suggested she just keep talking to me. I was actually heading home earlier than normal because she had a doctor’s appointment tonight and I was taking her to it. She told me she had called the Psychiatry department at the hospital looking for something that could help her anxiety. The doctor she talked to prescribed her something and told her it would be ready later in the day. It just so happened to be later in the day.
So I got home, picker her and the kids up, quickly loaded everyone into the truck and headed to Kaiser. I got her to her appointment and then took the kids into the pharmacy to get Sandi’s medications. They had no clue what I was talking about. 
Apparently the doctor did not send the prescription to the pharmacy as she said she did. At least that is what the pharmacy told me. They also told me that I could head up to the doctor’s station and see if I could get the prescription resent. So I headed up there and was able to speak to the receptionist for the psychiatry unit. That was revealing.
The doctor never did anything with the prescription. Never filled it out, never called it in, never sent it off… whatever a doctor does when they prescribe meds was exactly what this doctor did not do. So it left my wife without medications that she desperately needs to calm her down. She was having a very bad episode tonight. Again, I was a little concerned for her safety (I know the effects of anxiety and its outward manifestation so I don’t panic too much over it) but really I was just freaking pissed off at anxiety and, more specifically, Kaiser for their lack of attention to detail that left my wife suffering for another day.
I so cannot wait to get through this crap. I am so over it. The doctors need to get off their cabooses and get some freaking answers out to us because this just plain sucks. People should not suffer like this at all.
My wife has been dealing with severe anxiety over the last few days. She has been on a battery of medications to combat sleeplessness, depression, various physical ailments and anxiety, but one of these medications, Remeron, had caused her to experience excessive joint and muscle pain so she has had to stop.
Ultimately this left my wife in a state of anxiety that was more severe than I have ever experienced with her. Friday night I spent a decent amount of time on the phone with the hospital trying to determine ways to slow a heart rate down, slow breathing down and generally bring peace to someone that is in the middle of a severe anxiety/panic attack. Yesterday morning was a little more of the same, without the hospital calls.
During the day yesterday things were a little better. Until the mid afternoon that is. Sandi decided to attend my family reunion with me at a local park where there was a pool. I think the idea of my kids being out in public near a pool with only me to watch them (Lord knows I don’t know how to watch my kids) left her worried about the safety of her children. She handled the anxiety pretty well, but still was pretty edgy, even screaming to me once in a panic as my son scooted off to within about 12 feet of the pool.
I have seen my wife suffer through panic attacks before. We have had our share of hospital stays and emergency room visits because of it. And every time an episode creeps up I find myself torn between wanting to take on the burden of suffering for her and staying calm and collected as the attack continues. In the end I choose to stay because I cannot take on what she is going through or her and one of us need to stay calm. Which is much easier said than done. It is doable, but requires some stubborn and some resolve to do it.
If there is one thing that learned as part of the Emergency Response Team at my last job it is that you cannot panic when you are responding to someone that is experiencing a traumatic episode. That means that no matter how rough the anxiety gets, I have to be able to maintain my head while sitting next to a crying, shaking, sweating, worried, scared-for-her-life wife. This in itself makes it manageable for me. I know I have to be calm, for her, so I keep my head about me for the duration and, when things are a little more settled, I get to handling the worry and fear that is such a very real part of seeing your spouse in a condition like that.
I know that right now the only thing that will make this any better for her is medicine. Yes, we are Christian and yes we do pray. I cover her and the kids daily with prayer. But inasmuch as a Christian needs to pray a person also needs to act on that prayer. Actions, in our case, are talking to doctors, researching and seeking out proper medications that can alleviate the symptoms of what she is feelings. Only time can free her from this hell she is in at this point, so we give it time and prayer.
Of course all things pass with time. Anxiety does subside. Maybe not completely but it certainly does wane from the level of feeling like you are going to die to a more reasonable level. Sandi has shown that as the episode continues that the anxiety, overall, does weaken a bit. It never seems to disappear, and I fear that is because she is not on any medicine at the moment. But at least we have a fighting chance at that point because she can at least breath a little easier and feel a little more normal.
Luckily tomorrow she has an appointment which will hopefully bring something to the table to help her. It sucks watching her go through this. I can just imagine how much it must suck going through it.
A note from me: I struggle daily with coping with the effects of anxiety on my wife. I am not only bound to her suffering from anxiety but really from everything else she is going through at the moment. If you find yourself in a place where you are either stricken with anxiety or are tending to someone who is battling anxiety, do consider seeking professional, medical help. It can’t hurt one bit and it can certainly bring a level of comfort to you, albeit a small one.