According to an email I received recently:
When southern Florida resident Nathan Radlich’s house was burglarized recently, thieves ignored his wide-screen plasma TV, his VCR, and even left his Rolex watch. What they did take, however, was a generic white cardboard box filled with a grayish-white powder. (That’s at least the way the
police report described it.)
A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said, ‘it looked similar to high-grade cocaine and they probably thought they’d hit the big time. Later, Nathan stood in front of the numerous TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars: “Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude. She
died three years ago.”
The next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a local drug dealer known as Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan’s doorstep. The cardboard box was there too; about half of Gertrude’s ashes remained. Scotch-taped to the box was this note: “Hoochie sold us the bogus blow, so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry
we snorted your sister. No hard feelings. Have a nice day.”
Now I am no fool. I know that since it came through my email it must be true. But the smart guy in me told me that this sounded like the stuff of urban legends, so putting my skepticism to work (sorry intarwebs but I had to) I started doing some research.
The first thing I asked myself was can this really happen? I answered that pretty readily by explaining to myself that yes, criminals are really that stupid. And many could easily mistake cremated human remains for cocaine. Especially since it was hidden so inconspicuously in an urn.
But then I thought to myself what is the likelihood of this happening? And for the answer to that, I had to look the infallible intarwebs square in the eye and humbly ask it if it could look something up for me.
It did it, albeit hesitantly.
And you know what? Other people have also received this same email about Nathan Radlich. So I stopped thinking that I was special. And I started looking a little harder at whether this was really true.
And I found out it wasn’t. The stinking emailwebs lied to me. Not the intarwebs. No, the intarwebs stayed true and loyal and only gave me the truth (as it always does). But no such luck for emailwebs.
But its all good. Later on, when I pour a foedee on da floe foe mah dawg Hoochie, I will do the same for the emailwebs.